Once again driven by Anthony's incredible sense of wonder and adventure and my need to be the joy detective has launched us into another bucket list worthy summer adventure. After discussions of all the places he still wants to see, we have comprised an exciting fast paced itinerary of beautiful destinations we can knock out in the short time I'm able to get off work.
Tomorrow morning, the boys, Muma 2 (aka Deeders) and myself will set out for a Chevy Chase style week long road trip! And since I’m a person who needs to write to sort it all out and fully experience my life, I felt compelled to share along the way. Thanks for allowing me to indulge, organize and unravel.
I remember so many summers where I was trapped alone with the boys in the Scottsdale heat with no budget and no ability to escape. I remember it was so difficult to stay positive and focus on the good stuff in that scenario. Of course now it helps that I’m blessed enough to have the ability to take them to travel, but some other type of escape has happened as well. For most of those early years, I felt like a mouse on a colorful patterned rug, only seeing the tiny inches that were in front of me and never realizing the beauty and complexity of the total tapestry.
After years of traveling the DMD highway, I have had a shift of perspective. I’ve backed up a bit and the picture seems to have expanded. I feel less attached to how it needs to look and more interested in the reality of what actually is. All the while, being aware, I'm still only able to see a limited portion of what is really there. Oddly enough, this admission of ignorance comforts me. I find myself able to bring my thoughts back to the here and now with a little more ease.
When I get in fear or resentment (what I call “stuck in the muck”), which of course I still do, I am able to recognize it a little quicker. I have the understanding that if I can just come back to the here and now, I will discover that I’m actually OK. I understand that when I’m not in the present, I’m not in reality. I’m either in a story I’ve created, or a memory of the past. Neither one is my current reality.
When I am in fear or anxious, it’s because I’m thinking of the future that isn’t here yet, a vision that I’ve created in my head. One that that no matter how real it feels, isn’t.
And when I’m sad or angry, it’s generally because I’m thinking of the past and focusing on what didn’t go according to my explicit instruction. Or what I believe, from my limited view, is lacking.
The moment I think about how I am right now, right this very moment, I almost always realize I’m OK. I’m safe and I have everything I need right now. And better yet, as soon as I’m able to wrestle myself out of this self-centered muck I’ve created, the first thing I usually always see?
My boys smiling faces waiting for the next adventure.
So here we go boys, the next adventure……
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